Princes and Parents
Machiavelli
wrote The Prince as a helpful guide for ruling. In his guidelines he explains
what it takes to be a good prince. Machiavelli recommends many characteristics
and behaviors for princes. He throws out many ideas. He believes, “it
is better to be stingy than generous, it is better to be cruel than merciful,
it is better to break promises if keeping them would be against one's
interests.” The one that stuck out to me the most was that, “it is better to be
loved thank feared.”
Machiavelli say’s:
“Upon
this a question arises: whether it be better to be loved than feared or feared
than loved? It may be answered that one should wish to be both, but, because it
is difficult to unite them in one person, it is much safer to be feared than
loved, when, of the two, either must be dispensed with.”
Machiavelli would say it is impossible ^
Apply
this concept to parents. Is it better as a parent for your kids to love or fear
you? I think that this can go both ways, but I agree with Machiavelli. When
applying this theory to parents (not princes), I believe it is better to be
feared then loved.
Machiavelli
says it is better to be feared then loved, he says “fear preserves you by a
dread of punishment which never fails.” When raising your kids I feel that
punishment is a form of structure that is very important. When kids do things
wrong, they should be punished. Punishment does not fail. Kids usually do not
repeat the offense if they get punished. It teaches kids respect, authority,
and discipline. Machiavelli is right when he says that punishment never fails.
Weather you are a prince or a parent it is a great method of holding power.
Kids
hate to get punished. I hated when I was punished. Lets face it we have all had
those arguments with our parents and ended up grounded. The phrase “I hate you”
has been thrown around during these arguments. Think to when you are at the
peak of your frustration during one of these arguments. Several times I have
told myself that I do not love them, they are evil, they are out to get me, I
HATE THEM….
But why is this a good
thing? Why is having this resentment for your parents good? Why is having the fear
of getting grounded good?
Because
if you’re the parent is ensures that you will have respect. When we are parents
one day, we will want to have respect from our kids. Also although it may cause
resentment and fear, it leads to tough love. I know through all the groundings
and punishments that my parents love me. They do it because they want what is
best for me. Although I have at times feared and resented them they are just
teaching me life lessons.
So as a parent I feel that it is
better to be feared then loved. The love will come in time.
Do you think parents should instill this fear in their
kids?
Allison,
ReplyDeleteNice post. I thought it was a clever idea to tie Machiavelli’s "The Prince" to parenting; they actually do share quite a few similarities. However, I disagree with some of the points you brought up. I believe that instilling fear in children is fine - up to a point, that is. You say that “punishment does not fail” and that “it teaches kids respect, authority, and discipline”. In my opinion, though, an excess of fear and punishment only leads to resentment and more “acting out”, and this has been evidenced many times in history.
Take, for example, the American Revolution. The American colonists, after staging the Boston Tea Party to protest the Tea Act, were imposed with punishments in the form of legislation by Great Britain, who in this analogy functions as the “parent” of the British colonies. These punishments, known to American colonists as the “Intolerable Acts”, mandated the closing of the port of Boston as well as obligatory quartering of British soldiers, among other statutes. However, instead of keeping the colonists submissive, these punishments served to do the exact opposite; the “Intolerable Acts” sparked a revolution that led to the colonies breaking away from Britain and eventually becoming the United States of America.
Therefore, I would have to disagree with Machiavelli, at least in part. Instilling fear in your children (or your colonies!) isn’t always the best method of earning respect and power, though it is a better method than never punishing them whatsoever. Thus, in my opinion, the best method to keeping children, constituents, and subjects “in line” is to find the perfect balance between love and fear.
I agree with Lindsay’s comment that excess of fear and punishment leads to resentment and more acting out. I believe that punishment can be effective in teaching kids appropriate ways of behaving if it is used within reason and in the appropriate situation. Additionally, every family is different. Some parents and children may be closer in one family than in another.
ReplyDeleteI am speculating here, but I would assume that when a parent and child are very close, expressing disappointment might be enough of a punishment. In families where the parent and child are not so close, then I would think more concrete punishment (taking something away) would be more appropriate.
I personally think that while close parent-child relationships are great, it may be more difficult for parents in these situations to decide on an appropriate punishment. This is where it becomes confusing as to the role of parents. If they are to be feared rather than loved like Machiavelli says, then children may become confused as to the roles of parent versus child.
Allison,
ReplyDeleteI one hundred percent agree with your post. Parents should be feared rather than loved because punishment is a part of life and respect is given when one knows what is right from wrong. My parents used negative reinforcement which is fear and I think it is extremely useful because it is direct to the point. I agree with Lindsey that it was clever to tie Machiavelli and parenting together but I disagree with Lindsey when she states that "an excess of fear and punishment only leads to resentment and more “acting out”. I think fear is the useful but its to a point when it comes to parenting. A parent can earn respect in multiple ways and it does not have to be just through fear. Maybe its by leading by example.
The argument of whether it is better to be feared or loved is shown in this link
http://www.trainingjournal.com/blog/articles-blogs-should-leaders-be-loved-or-feared/
I think that Khan used fear in a perfect manner to expand his empire but when it comes to parenting I feel that fear is only half the battle and there has to be more to parenting that just punishing. A combination is best for parenting.
This was a really interesting post and I think connecting Machiavelli to parenting brings a whole new insight to his ideas. I also wrote a blog post about how I agree being feared over a loved is a legitimate stance for any ruler to take. It guarantees results and ensures stability - why be loved and hope for the best when you can be feared and know it will work out? I'm all for being loved, but if we had to choose, being feared is the way to go. So we're totally on the same page when it comes to princes.
ReplyDeleteBut, I totally disagree with you when it comes to parenting. I think I only have the ability to have such a strong stance on the argument because of the way I was raised. I've never been grounded, I've never had my phone or TV privileges taken away, and I've never had to go to bed early. That definitely DOESN'T mean that I've never done something stupid or disappointed my parents. They weren't big on punishment, but I ended up okay. I am incredibly close to both my parents, and whenever I was in the situation of doing something I shouldn't have, the thought of my parents prevented me from doing it. Not because I knew I would go home and get yelled at, but because my love and respect for them got in the way. No matter the situation, hearing my parents explain their disappointment was worse than any punishment they could have given me. It just isn't the same when it comes to politics; no one could ever have such a strong relationship with a prince that his sadness or disappointment would matter. But parents are a whole other story; mine raised me to value the right things and to be a good person. Not through fear, through love. And it worked.
Dear Allison,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this post and thought that it showed a very unique and creative comparison between Machiavellian views and current parenting methods. You provided a ton of quotes directly from "The Prince" and supported your thesis clearly Unfortunately , i am going to have to disagree with your main argument that when parenting it is better to be feared than loved by your children and say the complete opposite.
In my personal opinion, parenting through a loving, and caring relationship has significantly more benefits than parenting through fear and angst. I would like to acknowledge Lindsey's post and agree with the idea that, "instilling fear in children is fine-up to a point." I think that parenting with aspects of fear can have its benefits in that it teaches children concepts like respect, however it also has substantial disadvantages. When parents make fear a major aspect of their parenting styles, it has the potential to create bitterness and hatred within the relationship. eventually trust is lost and the relationship is tainted forever.
I think good parenting is the ability to reach an equilibrium between both love and fear. A loving relationship creates a stress free environment for the child and one that he or she feels most comfortable in. When you add in that small dosage of fear in order to instill respect, you have truly started parenting.
Allison,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love how you used the photo of Michael Scott in your paper; I’ve wasted so many hours watching The Office. I agree with your opinion when you said that it is better for the parent to be feared than loved and how you said the love would come in time.
I love how you used the quote from Machiavelli when he said “fear preserves you by a dread of punishment which never fails.” I’ll speak with my own personal experience with my parents. When I was a child and I did something wrong like break something expensive or brought mud into my house, my parents would punish me accordingly. I was more afraid of my mother than my father and to this day I still am. I won’t get into detail on how I’d be punished because of all these laws set in place about child punishment where they make it seem that if you lay a finger on your child you would go to jail which is stupid if you ask me. My parents never really “grounded” me because they didn’t even know what it meant.
But because of fear of punishment from my parents, I never got in trouble at school or with the law to this day. Never. I’m more afraid of the punishment I would receive from my parents than an officer of school. That’s why I honestly believe parents need to instill fear into their children so they won’t do anything bad. I also agree with you when you said that instilling fear into their children, it would ensure the parents having respect from them.
Allison,
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post! I never would have thought about parenting in Machiavelli's terms before I read this. Great job finding a connection to our lives! It's often hard to relate but I actually think your post helped me understand Machiavelli's ideas of fear and love even better than before. I love the images you chose also, very relatable to the modern world with The Office and Facebook!
Parents are basically the "princes" of our lives until we move on to college (in most cases anyway). We are subject to their rule. I remember more then enough fights with my parents throughout my life that made me fear them seemingly more than I loved them. Looking back now I believe that's what makes me love them more. They punished to instill fear of making bad decisions. This has influenced the rest of my life. I am afraid of their punishment, consequences, and disappointment and that is what keeps me on the right track in life. Their prince-like influence is so important and without it I would most likely be lost.
I believe there is one major difference between parents and princes though. That would be unconditional love. According to Machiavelli, Princes should rather be feared than loved, because they want their people to obey. But it is not out of love, it is our of thirst for power. Parents on the other hand want us to obey them because they want us to do what's right and they love us. Unlike Princes where they just want people to do what they say.
In the end, I think this post is accurate and I agree with it. You say "Machiavelli says it is better to be feared then loved, he says “fear preserves you by a dread of punishment which never fails.” When raising your kids I feel that punishment is a form of structure that is very important." which I believe to be the main point of your blog post. It is true fear of punishment by parents never fails. The morals instilled in a us from punishment in childhood by parents is the reason we are where we are today. It is better for parents to be feared than loved, but in the end the fear will create a love.
Allison,
ReplyDeleteI think you bring up some very interesting ideas in your post. Your main argument revolves around Machiavelli's question on whether it be better to be loved than feared or feared than loved. Although you did make a great argument with your connection of parenting and whether it is better as a parent for your kids to love or fear you, I don't really thing Machiavelli's question should be applied to parenting.
I don't really think there is a right answer to whether your kids should fear you or love you if there is a choice. You say that fear teaches respect, authority, and discipline to kids. Although it probably can, I think there are many other things besides fear that can teach respect, authority, and discipline. One thing can be sending your kid to school and having them have to listen to a teacher. They don't have to fear their own parent, but they can fear a teacher. If a child fears their own parent, I think this can hinder a relationship more than you will know.
Overall, children should always love there parents and fear them in a way that shows that their parents are their parents and they are there for a reason.
Allison,
ReplyDeleteThis is actually a great comparison that you've drawn here between Machiavelli and parenting because I actually agree that in both cases (the prince and the parent) it's actually more beneficial to be feared than loved. Whereas, in the case of parenting however, I think "feared" is a bit harsh of a term. I think the way most people put is that you need to be a parent first, a friend second to your children. So basically you do need to crack down when they step out of line (in these situations your "parent side" always takes precedence, in the form of some sort of punishment) which instills fear and teaches them to behave, but of course when the kids are behaving you'd want to engage them by being friendly and treat them as you would a friend. Otherwise you wouldn't develop a healthy relationship with them. If a parent tries to be more of a friend the result is often a spoiled child who doesn't behave and always seems to get his/her way. So in my opinion you need both in order to properly raise a child, but as I said before you need to be a parent first, a friend second - making fear, as Machiavelli put it, more important.