Sorry I’m Not Sorry.
What makes an apology succeed and another apology fail? Is
there a problem with saying you’re sorry?
In the
Apology, Socrates apology was not an apology at all. The name “The Apology” comes from the Greek word
"apologia," which translates as a defense, or a speech made in
defense. In The Apology, Socrates attempts to defend himself and his conduct.
Socrates does not apologize for what he has done.
That seems to be a common thing
now a days, saying you’re sorry when you don’t really mean it. It happens all
the time. We say “sorry” to get our selves out of trouble or to not come off as
an arrogant idiot. Think of all the times you say sorry in a day. When someone
bumps you, you say sorry. When your walking past someone and they have to momentarily
pause (In and out of doors (common place this happens: bathrooms)). Are we
really sorry? Is the word sorry losing its meaning. The word “sorry” is just
tossed around several times a day. Most of the times it is not sincere; not used
as what it’s meant to stand for.
How are some apologies accepted
and some fail? Arnold Schwarzenegger was accused of sexually
harassing several women during his 2003 gubernatorial campaign. He apologized
and afterward won that election. However, former U.S. Representative Anthony
Weiner apologized in June 2011 for his involvement in a sexting scandal. (APOLOGY THAT FAILED) He was
heckled, called a “pervert,” and soon resigned from office. What makes Arnold
Schwarzenegger’s apology so much better than Anthony Weiner’s? What makes it ok
for people to be a fan of Chris Brown, and accept what he did to Rihanna.
Better yet, how did Rihanna accept his apology, and can manage to be civil with
him. Apologies, sincere or not, are always interpreted differently.
This apology would DEFINITELY be accepted....
So
what makes the apology acceptable? I think an apology is accepted depending if
the offense was intentional or a mistake. If you can justify in your head that
what the person did was a mistake, you will accept the apology. However
everyone is different. This is why some take back their boyfriend/girlfriend
after they cheated on them. If you can justify that they did not mean to do it
you will forgive them. Was your boyfriend drunk, were you guys fighting? These
are just a few factors people consider. However if the offense was intentional
the apology is most likely not going to be accepted. Killing someone is not
going to be accepted.
Socrates
for example stood by his accusations. He knew what he did, and he was not
sorry. Everything he was charged for, embarrassing people, corrupting the youth,
etc. that was all intentional. Intentional actions do not get accepted apologies,
hence Socrates being executed. Sorry he was not sorry.
Allison-
ReplyDeleteI am going to have to respectfully disagree with your analysis of Socrates' intentions and apology. I think what this article is about is the difference between penance and penitence, or one feels internally vs how they portray themselves to the public with regards to admonishing guilt and apologizing. In Plato's Apology Socrates is trying to avoid penance, but fails to prove his penitence as you suggest. I believe, however, that there is no need for repentance of penitence because Socrates doesn't believe what he did was wrong. You may say, then what am I disagreeing with? I fully believe that Socrates in this trial did not come to admonish himself of the "sins" he committed. Rather, his intentions were to convince the people of the court that he in fact did not do anything wrong. With regards to his intentions, he was not trying to corrupt the youth. The court manipulated his actions which were "educating the youth" to be perceived as "corrupting the youth." As the Greek translation of Apologia explains, Socrates is simply defending his actions. He is absolutely unapologetic.
But the truth is actions speak louder than words. The Rabbis of the Jewish Faith and founders of tradition define the act of repentance through the process called 'tshuvah.' This process entails one to apologize to someone whom they harmed, but their future actions determine the truth of their apology. Hence, saying sorry is trivial, as you suggest and many will agree, but the true indicator of your apology lies in your future actions. Thus, Socrates had no intentions on apologizing; he was only concerned with his defense.
Your perception of how apologies work in society was very interesting, and I would definitely agree that in our society, people use apologies as a filler; this is definitely making them feel less sincere when they're given.
ReplyDeleteI would disagree with you, though, on why people believe some apologies over others. I don't think it matters if it was a mistake or not; I think it matters if the person being apologized to thinks the person apologizing is sincere or not. For example, when Chris Brown assaulted Rihanna, it's pretty apparent that he knew what he was doing. It's pretty hard to justify hitting someone multiple times in the head as an accident. Rihanna forgiving him points more towards the idea that she believed he was genuinely sorry. Instead of trying to irrationally justify his actions, she confronted the situation head on and made peace with what he said. His apology was valid, though, only because she could believe that it was genuine.
It’s interesting that we even have to look for genuineness in an apology anymore. By saying you’re sorry, it should really just indicate on its own that you genuinely feel bad and regret whatever decision that you’ve mad. By society teaching people to say sorry without genuinely meaning it, a deep level of confusion has been added to fixing issues. Before, saying sorry let the person know that you regret the decision that you made, but now, a person has to analyze the context and tone of the apology to even identify whether or not it was sincere and consider moving on from whatever mistake was made.
I agree that apologies are being used as fillers, but is that necessarily a bad thing? I think that people acknowledge the fact that an apology may not be as sincere. I don't think that people care about the sincerity of the apology but about the reassurance of the word "sorry."
DeleteSorry can be used as a reassurance that the act committed was not intentional, avoiding further confrontation.
My favorite quote to put to use is "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than to get permission." Saying sorry is so much easier. I highly doubt people even take genuineness of the apology into consideration any more. Being "sorry" just makes people feel better, whether you mean it or not. It's a win-win situation. When in doubt, say sorry.
The acceptance of "I'm sorry's" is based soley upon your reputation, delivery and heat of the moment. If you are a popular and liked figure in the public's eye, it is much easier to forgive you, because people want to view you as a good person. If George Bush Jr. went on national television and apologized to nation for his lack of productivity how would we react. Headlines in the media would respond very angrily and the public would basically blow it off as an act of seeking to gain attention. His reputation was hindered by his terms in office so the public's view is not a good one. Bill Clinton was accussed of cheating on his wife in the White House, and America's first reaction was "How could he?" He apologized and to this day he still is one of the most liked presidents of the United States. The way society uses "I'm sorry" it has indeed lost much of its value. Often we know our actions are wrong before we attempt them. When someone is negatively affected we say sorry to attempt to cover up our intentions. As we learned in history though, depending on how you deliver those sorries and who you are, they may not be accepted.
ReplyDeleteZachary, I agree with your disagreement of Allison's analysis of Socrates' intentions. Socrates was not actually apologizing but justifying that he was right. He was accused of multiple accusations against the government and he was just stating that he was correct. He was stating that he was not wrong and that society in general was unable to understand. I also agree with Zachary's point that Socrates was not corrupting the youth. I feel that he was also being manipulated by the court. Socrates is not apologetic but is just defending his actions.
ReplyDeleteMy Rabbi also talked about Teshuvah and how one has to apologize to another not just with words but with further actions. On another note, the Jewish Holiday of Yom Kippur also pertains to this post. During Yom Kippur one is not to apologize but to repent. So saying the simple sorry as Alison stated in this article is completely useless. It is overdone and repetitive. This Jewish Holiday designates one day in which one has to sacrifice or suffer or repent because of wrongdoings. This form of apology, I think is much better than the simple "I am sorry" for bumping into another person.
The following link elaborates Teshuva and Yom Kippur
http://judaism.about.com/od/holidays/a/yomkippur.htm
Hence, Socrates was not apologetic and was just define himself. He does not portray the requirements of Teshuva
Great post. Your ability to show how apologies function in modern day society, while also using current and opposing occurrences, was wonderful. I completely agree with your analysis of "The Apology" from Socrates. Throughout the his entire account, he did not apologize for anything. Socrates understood that he was right, and everyone else was wrong, and in a sense his attempt to convert the common sense of the public was considered an apology.
ReplyDelete"Sorry" has become the most common way to avoid a big conflict. For most, saying sorry voids them of all wrongdoing and allows them to continue with life as if nothing ever happened. This is especially apparent with pop culture icons, most notably Chris Brown. Something missing from your post is the fact that after all the backlash from the domestic violence incident, Chris apologized, gained a bigger fan base, and is now dating Rihanna yet again. Seems like sorry starts the cycle over right?
Although saying sorry has become such second nature for us, we never really are sorry. According to Hobbes, individuals act with self-interest and selfishness, which implies that everything we do is to benefit ourselves. The sorry issue rides the same self-interest wave that Hobbes talks about. Maybe one day we'll reach a point where sorry is no longer looked as a cop-out.
Allison,
ReplyDeleteI would definitely have to agree with your perception of saying "sorry". It has totally lost its meaning and now, when we feel like we have done something remotely discomforting or do not want others viewing us as disrespectful we just toss out, "i'm sorry" like it means nothing. I believe that it has worn off on us when we truly do something wrong. WE have become so used to just saying it all the time for the sake of being respectful. But, when we actual make a mistake we are so used to just throwing it out there that it usually does not come off as sincere. This can cause a bigger fight than what it needs to be, all because we do not use the term in the correct context anymore.
As for Socrates, the title is not relevant to the actual meaning of his article. Just like you stated, he was aware that he was correct while everyone else around him was wrong. He was being sarcastic the entire time just to make the audience feel like he was conducting a sincere apology. While, instead he was making a mockery of the jury. He was correct with his actions and he was not going to let them think otherwise. Like in todays society, Socrates use his apology as a pity act to avoid conflict with his jury.
Overall, this was a great article and you supported your points very well.
-Kyle
I want to agree and disagree with this post. I totally understand the necessity in making a distinction between saying sorry and actually being sorry. But there also must be a distinction between the situations in which we actively chose to formulate an apology and and when we decide not to; this is what's important.
ReplyDeleteThis is why I don't agree that Socrates' apology can be related to some of your examples, like when we passively bump into someone. There's no doubt that I say sorry to them solely out of habit. There is no thought involved, but that doesn't mean it isn't sincere. I AM sorry I bumped into them. It was an accident and they shouldn't take it offensively. In this situation, I say sorry and I do mean it.
I think Chris Brown represents a whole lot of bullshit and that his apology means nothing, but the fact that he makes one distinguishes him from Socrates. I don't think he has good intentions, even in the video of his apology you can tell that he barely cares, and I doubt there was any motivation to apologize other than pressure from the people who work to preserve his reputation. In this situation, he represents the times that we sorry and don't mean it.
Plato writes about Socrates and his corruption of the youth, etc., and I do agree with you that he isn't sorry. He does argue for himself to win the case, but he never denies or apologizes for the charges that were made against him. Even if what he did was against the law, he still stands by it and does not (and should not) apologize. This is what sets him apart. Would Rosa Parks apologize? Should she? No. There are so many situations in which we say sorry and don't mean it, but I agree that Socrates represents those times when we don't say it, and shouldn't.
I found your discussion of “sorry” today to be extremely truthful. It made me consider how many times a day I say sorry, and what it really means in society when one says it. I think, that that today, saying, “I’m sorry” is just a short cut for other sayings like, “you go ahead, I already went” or “oops didn’t see you there” or “please, I don’t want to get in trouble if I apologize will I get out of it?” The fact that Socrates did not apologize for his actions, though he knew it might get him out of trouble, makes him extremely brave. It seems that because Socrates felt he could not give a true apology, he didn’t not give one at all. Socrates’ example should be used to show society if one doesn’t mean it, they shouldn’t say it, even if they think it will help their cause, because over all, it means nothing. Instead, this idea seems to go by the way side as the phrase is so often used for frivolous nothings.
ReplyDeleteIt’s a lot like how people say, “I love you” so much today. We say it to our friends, our neighbors, to people who make us laugh, to people who do favors for us, completely taking the meaning out of the phrase. The overuse of these phrases, “I’m sorry”, and “I love you,” show the corruption in our society. Socrates would be appalled if he new the looseness of our use of these words. Socrates refused to apologize to the court when his own life was on the line, what would he think of us saying it when we accidently bump into a stranger? I believe our society means well by the overuse of these phrases; however, the constant use of them as shortcuts makes them seem less special and extremely unimportant.