Wouldn't it be weird if Dad had driven you to soccer practice in the family mini van? If you walked home from school to find him whipping up a casserole for dinner? Or if he knew where to find the thermometer when you were sick? If your dad is anything like my dad, you would burst out laughing if you saw him doing any of these preposterous things. This is what MOMS are for, we all think. However, times may be changing, as stay-at-home dads, or SAHDs as they are known, are becoming more and more common. According to Time magazine, the percentage of SAHDs has doubled in the past decade. What's more, an increasing number of men are becoming more comfortable with the idea of being a SAHD. In the past, due to the domination of traditional gender roles, being a SAHD was an unheard of, even ridiculous, idea. Men are supposed to financially support the family, while women stay at home and raise the children, it was always thought.
But
says who? This is the question we need to ask ourselves. So what if society has
given us a set of so-called “gender roles” designated to differentiate men and women. Gender roles are somewhat arbitrary.
Society could have evolved so that men are supposed to wear pink and enjoy
scrap booking while women grill and drive pickup trucks. Just because society tells us specific ways of how we are supposedly meant to act does not mean that we must follow
these so-called rules. Take for instance wives who earn more than their husbands. It
would make no sense financially for these women to stay home raising the
children when they, not their husbands, are the main income earners. On the other hand, even if a
dad simply wants to be a SAHD, even
if he does make more money that his wife, he should not feel constrained by the
rules society tries to place on him. He should feel free to make the choice that he feels is best for himself and his family.
Another interesting point to be raised is the fact that not many people question females who want to enter the work force (typically characteristic of men), but when a male wants to be a stay-at-home dad, people wonder why? It should be just as acceptable for a male to stay at home and raise a family as it is for a female to pursue a career. Men who take charge in raising a family should be praised, not ridiculed, as raising children to be good, loving people is one of the most important things a person can do.
Another interesting point to be raised is the fact that not many people question females who want to enter the work force (typically characteristic of men), but when a male wants to be a stay-at-home dad, people wonder why? It should be just as acceptable for a male to stay at home and raise a family as it is for a female to pursue a career. Men who take charge in raising a family should be praised, not ridiculed, as raising children to be good, loving people is one of the most important things a person can do.
There
is a lot of potential gain to be made from more dads becoming SAHDs. Many men
end up in prison because they unfortunately made bad mistakes in life that they would not
have made had they had an influential father growing up. SAHDs would be able to
be much more present in their sons’ lives, providing that strong role model many boys so desperately need, especially with all the pressures and temptations of today's world. If a dad is away at work all the time,
there is not enough time for fathers and sons to bond and form deep
relationships. This, in turn, would help women as well as more men with
stronger character would help to drastically reduce the amount of both physical and
sexual abuse toward women.
Although
my dad works, I know that I’ve been lucky. He’s home at 5:00 P.M. every day, has weekends
off, and is able to get time off to take us on family vacations. I realize that
this is not the case for many people. Many people have dads who are constantly
traveling, working late, or may even be overseas in the army. It’s sad that
most people do not get to spend enough quality time with their dad. It would be
great if more dads would consider being stay-at-home dads. Raising a child is
one of the most rewarding experiences life has to offer. When it’s all said and
done, relationships are what really matter in life, and one of the most special
relationships that can be formed is that between a father and his child.
Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteGreat article! I agree with 97% of what you said. Times are definitely different than it was thirty to forty years ago. If you were to tell a man back then that a woman would be running for the 2008 Presidential Election, like Hilary Clinton was, majority of men out there would laugh at your face.
The percentage of women that are seeking a higher education compared to getting "wifed up" straight out of high school or even before that is increasing every year. So many more doors are available to women than ever before, however the issue of the "glass ceiling" is still a very prominent issue today. Some women can have the same title position as men in the same industry, but they would still be paid slightly less than them for the same work and have a harder chance of reaching the higher end of the ladder, as if they were hitting a "glass ceiling." BUT, women like Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer for Facebook, is proving otherwise of the glass ceiling being an issue to women.
However, the part that I do not agree with you is the part where you said that "many men end up in prison because they unfortunately made bad mistakes in life that they would not have made had they had an influential father growing up." This is not technically true because coming from personal experience, I knew some people that had run-ins with the law back in high school even though they had two employed, kind parents. Factors like peer pressure, trying to show off, or being in need of money have more of an impact. Also, don't women have just as good of a chance to end up in prison that they would have not made?
All in all though, I agree with your article and I'm interested to see how much more will change in ten to twenty years from now.
Steven, thank you for your great comments. However, I just want to clarify that I am not at all saying that the sole reason men end up in prison is because they did not have an influential father around. I realize that there are many other causes as well. I am just merely saying that for some men, the reason that they end up in prison is because they had little to no guidance in their lives, and I believe that this could be helped if more men chose to stay at home and be more prominent in the role of raising their sons.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your post! I think it’s amazing just how far gender roles in our nation have progressed in the last sixty years or so. In a sociology course I took last year in high school, we got to see these changes demonstrated in the mainstream media, specifically in television shows throughout the decades. There’s been such a divergence from T.V. shows like “Leave it to Beaver” which typified the Perfect American Family™: the businessman husband, the homemaker wife, and 2 to 2.5 wholesome children.
It’s funny because now some of the most popular shows on television feature “atypical” families, some even with stay-at-home dads! In fact, one of my personal favorites, “Modern Family”, features Cameron, a stay-at-home dad in a successful gay partnership raising an adopted Vietnamese baby girl. How’s that for progress? Media portrayal of SAHDs is essential, in my opinion, in increasing acceptance of atypical gender roles and families.
I also think it’s great that today women are getting the opportunity to function as providers for their families due to SAHDs. Though as Steven said above, the “glass ceiling” is still an issue for women today, I believe “mainstreaming” unorthodox gender roles via the media is just one way to break through that ceiling. Who knows, maybe in another sixty years it will be considered normal for women to be the sole provider in the household and stay-at-home dads won’t even be notable! I suppose we will find out with time, but until then thanks for the great post.
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DeleteElizabeth,
ReplyDeleteEntertaining post! I’m glad you found that Time article and wrote about it, because SAHDs are becoming more popular these days, though it still seems like a novel phenomenon to most people. This article and your post definitely bring attention to how our society is progressing and redefining “gender roles.”
I believe SAHDs are completely acceptable! Living in a world so money-driven and focused on numbers and statistics, it’s easy to forget family should be a priority and careers should be more like an extra-curricular activity. I also agree with you, Elizabeth, that, though my dad works, I’m grateful for his existence. When you wrote, “Men who take charge in raising a family should be praised, not ridiculed... loving people is one of the most important things a person can do,” it struck a chord with me. He works late hours, but he realizes how busy he is and makes an extra and obvious effort to show his love for me -- leaving me notes to wake up to telling me how much he loves me, bringing home my favorite smoothie from Panera, calling me on his lunch break, the list goes on...
Our society may not be super pro-SAHD right now, but it’s this type of balance I believe my dad has that will catapult our society to honestly accept SAHDs. Dads don’t have to be the breadwinner. They’re capable of showing just as much love and care as moms do. Where is it etched in stone that says dads can’t stay home and be the one to care for his children?
And like Steven and Lindsey, I look forward to the progress that will be made in the future! Again, great post!
Great read.
ReplyDeleteI had little to no idea that SAHDs were becoming so much more popular is society today. It's definitely something I haven't thought about before. The "common sense" produced by our society about gender roles, race, etc. are all being challenged one by one and its good to see someone shed light on a new situation.
I definitely see nothing wrong with a man being a SAHD, but in my case, I couldn't do it. It just seems to me that having a job is a necessity for a grown man, specifically in the case of having a son. I'd want to set an example for my son that working gets you what you want. I began working at an early age, and can't imagine stopping that to stay at home and raise my children. Both of my parents were able to complete the task, so I should be able to also. I feel as if its just a matter of fathers taking that extra step when it comes to their children, and not just doing the bare minimum.
At the end of the day, we have reached a day and age where everyone is free to do what they please, and it'd be distasteful for me to say that being a SAHD is wrong. I'm sure it is a great experience to be around your children as much as possible, without the stress of work on top of raising a family. I definitely respect those men who are SAHDs, because it definitely takes some guts.
Again, wonderful job Elizabeth.
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ReplyDeleteElizabeth,
ReplyDeleteVery interesting read! I am glad to see that the percentage of SAHD have doubled since the last decade. I have always been an advocate of SAHD considering that my own father was one. Men should be comfortable with the idea of taking on the role of what society considers the women's role. There is this perception that the wife should be domesticated taking care of the house and the children. It should be more accepted that the roles CAN be switched, the women can bring home the "bread" while the man takes care of the home and takes the children to the soccer game. We have to help eliminate gender roles. It would be nice if more TV shows could portray the image of the women being the bread winner while the man is the SAHD.
Even though there are some television shows that feature SAHD, they should show SAHD in children's shows so kids can grow up thinking that it is OK for the women to be the sole income of the household. Hopefully in the next decade the gender roles will be eliminated completely.
ReplyDeleteGreat post
I agree with much of what you said. Society has always dictated the roles in family. It is a shame there has been a huge stigma on men who aren't the main source of income for their family and I’m glad to see that it is changing. A lot people already touched on how in television especially these roles are enforced. The mom always stays at home and raises the kids while the dad goes out and works to support the family.
I had a SAHD and was the only person I knew with one. My mom worked as a doctor while my dad worked part time as a college professor. I consider myself a pretty normal person, so I guess that is a testament that there isn’t that much of a difference who takes care of the kids as long as someone does.
I think the real threat to kids is when they have no role model at all. When children grow up essentially without parents due to them working or whatever else comes in the way is the real threat. Unfortunately, many people are put in positions where they are unable to do so, like parents who need to work full time, or a single parent with a full time job.
Again great post
It takes a lot of courage to make the first post - good job!
ReplyDeleteIt is true that the instance of men that are SADH's has been increasingly rapidly. Something you didn't address that I'm interested in hearing about is why this has been occurring. Is it the result of actual changes in views on gender roles or is it out of necessity? My view is that it could be related to the recession - I know a lot of people that have lost their jobs because of it.
You said that "Gender roles are somewhat arbitrary... Just because society tells us specific ways of how we are supposedly meant to act does not mean that we must follow these so-called rules." You're completely right, we do not HAVE to follow these "so-called rules," but there are social consequences if we do not. For example, men can stay home, but what psychological damage might that do for them in a society that doesn't completely accept SADH's yet? What kind of man does it take to stay home and be happy?
While there are benefits to the father being home, you don't mention the negative effects that having a working mother could cause. If the father is a SADH, the mother must be working. What are they negative effects of a mother working and could they possibly outweigh the potential benefits of a SADH? Does it depend on the type of person the father or mother is?
I actually had been thinking about writing about my own experience with MY SADH; it was your post that inspired me to actually write it. I address some of the issues I brought up in this comment in my post - I couldn't really sum it up in one comment. If you're interested in hearing about my perspective on it, here's the link: http://poltheory51112.blogspot.com/2012/09/can-dads-really-stay-at-home.html
This was a really interesting title to a blog post. It grabbed my attention and seemed like a progressive trend that is worth talking about. The concept of a SAHD is really cool. I love how modern society has become able to accept the notion of a family composed of a dad who fulfills all of the responsibilities of a homemaker while the mom goes out and wins bread for the family. This is the complete opposite of the nuclear structured family that I learned about in Sociology 101. This is also the reverse of the situation that I grew up in. My father was the breadwinnder and my mom was a homemaker.
ReplyDelete"One of the most relationships that can be formed in life is between a father and his child" Elizabeth said. I agree about the importance of this relationship, but a dad doesn't really need to stay at home to develop a good relationship. Also, does the fact that someones mom might be working while their dad stays at home endanger their relationship with their mother? I hope that the relationship a child can form with a working mother is still just as important.
I think that it is a really clever idea to show SAHDs on tv shows to help kids understand that it is okay to have family headed by a female breadwinner. I can't think of any tv shows or movies off the top of my head that have that type of structure. But what really sounds appealing to me is the leisurely lifestyle that would arise for a stay at home dad. Now I'm not much of a cleaning-cooking-diaper-changing kind of dude right now, but I would have plenty of time to learn as a stay at home dad!
I think one of the linchpins to Elizabeth's argument is her point about the views society would take on a stay at home dad versus a woman entering the work system. Nowadays, I hear about the "glass ceiling" and other theories about how women are segregated in the work place. I feel that because women are told so much that they are disadvantaged in the work place, they are beginning to overcome these trends. And with this comes the common lesson that every rational person knows -- women and men are supposed to be equals in the work place. However, if your male friend told you he was getting married and his occupation was to be a stay at home dad, it is likely that you will question his decision. I argue that it would be socially more impolite to question a woman's desire to work than a man's desire to be a SAHD.
Erin, I think that the role negative effects of a mother working play in child development is relative to each individual family. Some families function well with a situation where the mom doesn't work. However I know of cases where a mom not contributing to the family by working eventually got divorced by her husband. Other families with stay at home dads could have problems with motivating the sons to go into life not necessarily thinking that they are expected to become SAHDS. All in all, it depends on the type of person the mother or father is.